WHAT IS THE PATTERN OF MARRIAGE?

While marriage is ordained and sustained by God, Man's responsibility is to

LEAVE, CLEAVE and BECOME ONE FLESH. (Gen 2; 24-25).

1) LEAVING:

This gives opportunity for bonding and intimacy to grow without interference from family members

Enhances unity between a couple

Allow couple to set up their own Christian values and practices in their home.

Suggested Areas of Leaving:

1. Governmental: Authority and loyalty change hands (from father to husband

2. Geographical: The men must leave from under their parents’ roof and woman must leave and create their own marital home

3. Emotional: Where will you go to when there is tension in your marriage? Leave unhealthy attachments to family members.

4. Psychological: Unhealthy comparison between parents, their home and yours. Seek to belong to your new home setting.

5. Financial: Learn to live within your means without dependence on your families.

6. Social: Satisfy three authorities;

• Family - customary rites
• State - registration of marriage at court. Under ordinance law
• God - blessing of marriage

7. Spiritually: A new institution is created and new priorities established. A new family has been created a new family alter must be built with the husband taking the lead in devotional times and family worship.

While the mandate remains to honour parents, you depend first of all upon one another.

You are one flesh with only one person - YOUR SPOUSE not parents, children or the church.

Parents must release their children which often takes time, explanation and understanding.

The Dangers of Not Leaving

1. Unfair competition in the kitchen. A woman (mother) with the experience of meeting man's needs for 20 years or more is now competing with a beginner (wife) who is just trying to discover what her husband's needs are.

2. Husband will not be the head of the house because his father is the head and his word is law.

3. Husbands will remain his father's small boy.

4. New couple will not learn responsibility because father will handle the business of the home.

5. Couple invites interference in their marriage.

Leaving Is Not Forsaking

Affirm the value of the extended family by pointing out that leaving does not mean abandonment, neglect or leaving in anger or to escape from parents.

Note that I Tim. 5:8 put emphasis on the "immediate family" (NIV) as a couple you will need priority. Now, as a couple you will need to discuss together what your responsibilities are to both sides of the family and decide together how you will meet those obligations.